Laicalasse's Tale
by Laicalasse
Summary: Laicalasse is a normal elf traveling to Rivendell.... Wait. where did hobbits come from? why does Elrond dislike hobbits? what does my Mary-Sue friend have to do with this? Weird. I'm not sure if this really is humor but oh well
1. It Starts

Elrond's Prejudice  
by-Laicalasse  
  
  
Chapter 1  
She had been walking for days since the Wargs had eaten her supplys and left her to die. She would soon die of starvation if she didn't find Imladris soon. Ah!   
Imladris. She had heard many tales about that wonderful place. Nestled in a valley with  
trees and water all around. How she would have loved to be there. 'Hang on' she told  
herself. 'Almost there.'  
The next day found her near death in a beautiful wood. "Water..............." she moaned in a broken voice. On she staggered, just four miles from Imladris. Two miles away, she  
fell to the ground. "Water............ please....................... help.........." She lost her grip on the world and slid into darkness. What she saw next would haunt her for the rest of her   
life. Nine figures. Nothing bad about that, but it was who was with them that would leave a scar in her mind forever. Sauron. Somehow she knew it to be him, despite the   
fair form he had taken. Sauron. Suddenly her heartbeat was loud as a drum, beating against her ribcage. She was sure he, and the others he was with, would hear her and  
kill her for intruding. Sauron gave to the men nine rings with stones in them. Caution thrown aside, she screamed "NOOOOOO!!!!! IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!" but if they could hear   
her they paid her no heed. Before her eyes the flesh of the nine men became semi transparent and then disappeared altogether. In it's place was withered ghostly white   
skin stretched tightly over bones. Crowns, tall and terrible, were on their heads. As one they turned toward her and drew out swords. Swords as terrible as their masters. The  
Morgul blades of the Nine Nazgul. Metal grating against metal. Wispers of eternal torture. Compelling her to give in. Calling her. Voices inside her head. 'Come, daughter of an  
elf........................... Come to us....................... You will live forever......................... Come to  
us................'   
"NEVER"  
'You cannot resist'  
"I will resist"  
Bone chilling laughter. 'Oh no she-elf. So sorry to disappoint you.'  
"I will NEVER turn to darkness"  
'You will if we command you' They advanced on her, swords raised. "no...... no......" She was drowning in darkness. A cold was penetrating her bones. She wouldn't be able   
to resist much longer. They were almost upon her. With her last shred of streangth and will she screamed in defiance "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"   
darkness swallowed her and she knew no more.  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Perhaps a description would be in order now. A name too. The elf's name is Laicalasse. She's a little bit shorter then other elves. She has green-grey eyes. They're more green  
then grey. They also had a hobbit-like sparkle of mischief in them. Her hair was blonde but it turned gold when the sun struck it just right. It also has a slight curl at the end. Her  
skin was fair and her ears were pointed of course. Her clothes were torn and dirty but if they were not they would have been rich. She didn't know where she came from. She only  
knew where she was going.   
She awoke slowley to stare up at a richly carved ceiling. Someone spoke and she jumped nervously. "AI!" "Sorry to startle you" She didn't know what to say to this so she returned  
to wondering where she was. "Suilad. What happened?" "Wargs........." "Ah. How many days have you been traveling since the Wargs attacked you?" "Five. Where did you find me?  
Who found me? Did you know I was coming?" "One question at a time. Glorfindel found you when he was scouting out the area. No we didn't know you were coming. It was a lucky chance   
that Glorfindel found you." "Who are you? Where am I?" "I am Elrond and you are in Imladris." "Elrond Half-Elven?" "Yes." "I'm hungry. And thirsty." "What is your name?" "Laicalasse"   
"Greenleaf in Quenya?" "Yes. Can I have a drink and some food now?" "Alright. Don't rush yourself though. You haven't eaten for five days." "Six. i was about to eat before the Wargs   
attacked me, eating all my supplies." "Are you injured?" "I think one bit my arm." "Well let me see it." "You can see it." It was true. The Warg had torn away the fabric of her sleeve and   
her arm was almost bare. "How could you miss that?" "I was too busy thinking about my stomache." "Oh. Right." "Where were you attacked?" "I was just out of Mirkwood." "You traveled   
from Mirkwood to here in five days." "Yes." Elrond gasped and set about tending her arm. "Who is your father?" "I do not know." "Who is your mother?" "I do not know." "Why did you scream  
when you were in the forest near here?" "Evil dreams." "What kind?" "Sauron dreams." Elrond shuddered and said, "I will leave you now. Food will be brought to you. Eat it slowely. I'll be back later."   
"Alright" "Call if you need anything." "Okay." "Don't get up yet. In a few days you'll be ready to get up." "Okay" "You can tell us your history when you get up." "Okay. Is that all?" Elrond   
laughed and said "For now" and left Laicalasse to eat and drink her meal.  
A few days later, she awoke alone and saw a dress laid out on the bed. It was green with bell sleeves and embroidery of leaves and vines on the skirt. She got up and pulled it on, carefully  
because her arm still hurt a lot. She was brushing her hair when someone knocked on the door. "Come in." she called out happily.The door opened and an elf came in. "Hello. My name is Meldanar"  
she said. "Beloved sun?" Laicalasse asked. She smiled and nodded. "Nice name. It sort of flows." "Yes. I always liked it. What's your name?" "Laicalasse" "Greenleaf?" "Correct" "I know of a prince   
with the name Greenleaf." Who is he? What is he the prince of?" "His name is Legolas Greenleaf and he is the prince of Mirkwood." "His father is king Thranduil?" "Yes" "Why have i not heard of him?"   
"He is only 3000 years old." "Oh. young isn't he" "Yes but he shows experience beyond his years." "Interesting. I'll have to meet him and see if this is true." "Good luck." "What do you mean?" "His father   
is hard put to with all the marrige offers. The laidies are all trying to impress him" "Ah" There was an akward silence until Meldanar said "Well i was sent here to lead you to the dinning room and here I am   
talking to you. Come with me and I'll show you to the Hall of Fire." "Thank you" "It's no trouble." Laicalasse followed Meldanar down the twisting maze of hallways. When they got to the Hall of Fire they   
heard singing. "We're almost there," said Meldanar. When they stepped through the doors everyone looked to see the newest person in Rivindell. Laicalasse grew uncomfortable under all those stares.   
Meldanar led her to a seat near Lord Elronds' seat and left for her seat. "Welcome to the Hall of Fire Laicalasse. Here we tell tales, sing and relex. We would be honered if you would tell us your tale."  
  
Chapter 3  
"Well, i suppose my tale starts when i was a child. I was raised in Lothlorien. My parents were killed by orcs when i was very small. I was told that my mother was a hobbit but i was not told her name.  
I assumed my father was an elf because i have lived long. For 6000 years I have walked this earth. After 5090 years in Lothlorien my heart grew restless. I wanted to see the world. I decided that Imladris   
would be a good place to start. I went around the edge of Mirkwood but when i was about to make myself a meal, some Wargs decided that i would make a good snack. I barely escaped with my life. They   
ate all my supplies. I walked to here. I collapsed on the forest floor and slipped into a dream. A dream so horrible that i will tell no one of it unless we be out of Imladris. Imladris was not made to indure such   
horrible accounts." Elrond, Glorfindel and Celebrian all said "You are half HOBBIT?" Laicalasse replied "Yes." Elrond said, "Come with me." "What's this about?" "I can't tell you now. i'll tell you when we get   
to your room." When they got to her room Elrond opened the door. "I think you should know that I dislike hobbits. I swore that the first person who came to Rivindell with hobbit in them would become a servent.  
You are the one. I was begining to like you but i can't go against my pledge. You will get a new room. Pack your things. Get ready to move. You will sit with the servants. That is all for now." "One thing. What if I   
don't WANT to be a servant? What if I refuse your oh-so-kind offer?" "Command" "Whatever" "Anyway, you CAN'T refuse. I won't let you." "Ohhhh. I was planning on relexing here. What if I run away?" "My   
brother's decendents will track you down and bring you back." "Elros was your brother." "Yes" "The Dunedain will track me down if I run away?" "Correct." "Oooohhhh," said Laicalasse. There was nothing elso to   
say. She moved to her new room later that day. It was small and not decorated like the guest room. She moved her things in and tried to feel at home. Meldanar came later to tell her what to do and how to do it.   
"First you will cook breakfast at dawn. Then you will serve breakfast. After that, you will clean up the kitchen and mop the breakfast room. Then, put out snacks on the table in the Hall of Fire. Next, if there is a   
feast planned, start cooking for it. If not, mop the Hall of Fire. Polish the weapons hanging up in the feasting hall. Cook lunch. Clean up after lunch. Acompany any guests we may have to lunch. Lead the guest where   
they want to go. Leave and start cooking dinner. Tune all of the instruments that are used in the Hall of Fire. Polish them and set them up. Lead any guests we may have to dinner. Serve dinner. Clean up dinner. Set   
out snacks in the hall of Fire and stand in attendance so that if someone wants something,they can ask you. Put the instruments away and then you have free time until you go to bed. Do you want a map to find your   
way around?" "No thank you Meldanar. I'll be fine," She said in a hollow sort of voice. She thought, 'Why do I have to be half hobbit? Why is it me?' as Meldanar gave her a tour of Rivendell. Later that night, alone   
in her room, she threw her clothes, her necklace, her bow and arrows, her dagger and her sword at the walls. She felt like screaming. 'At least i know how to cook,' she thought when her temper was spent and she had   
fallen to her bed in exaustion. Her room was a mess. Like a tornado had come and whirled around it for a while. She fell asleep and Meldanar woke her up at dawn. "My, my, my Laicalasse, what a temper. One would think   
you had the temper of a dwarf from looking at your room. I'll help you with your chores today but tomorrow you're on your own." Laicalasse thanked her and asked where the kitchens were again. Meldanar laughed and   
said, "Come on. Do you remember nothing of my tour yesterday?" "Indeed I do not." "Well I suppose I'll have to give you a map after all," seeing her expresion which said, as clearly as words, 'I won't take a map if I   
get lost a thousand times.' Meldanar asked her, "Can you cook?" "Yes. I learned when I was very young." "Good. The menus for the day will be laid out on the counter for you to see. If you're unsure about how to make   
something, there's a cookbook on the shelf. Good luck," she said as they reached the kitchen. 


	2. Chaos in the Kithchen

Chaos in the Kitchen  
  
  
Disclaimer: Sorry I forgot this last chapter. Okay. I own nothing. If I did own something,   
I wouldn't be wasting my time writing fanfiction. Or........ maybe i would. Oh well.... Enjoy the   
story............. btw..... my spelling is horrible because I have no Spell-Cheak on my comp  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Laicalasse entered the kitchen and started looking for the menu. She failed to notice the   
person who appeared with a flash-type-thing. She looked in a cabnet and when the person   
screamed she thought for a second. 'Okay. I could either scream back, jump and hit my head   
on the counter, calmly withdraw my head and look at her, or start cussing at her. I'm going to   
calmly withdraw my head and stare at her cooly. Yeah that's it. A nice penatrating Elven glare.   
Wonderful.'  
  
The person screamed again as she became the victim of a penatrating Elven glare. She thought   
'Geesh. Why do I HAVE to be on the recieving end of a penatrating glare from a Weirdo with   
deformed ears and Renniaciance style clothes? Who is she? Wait. Where am I?'  
  
  
Where is she? Will I post another chapter? Is it the End of the World if I don't? Find out if you dare   
read more when I update.   
  
A/N I so sorry about posting the same chapter twice. I'll fix it by replacing it. Hee hee....... I'm so happy!!!!   
I got a part in the Christmas play!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!! 


	3. More Chaos in the Kitchen

A/N: sorry the last chapter was so short. I was lazy that day and well......... i didn't want to do anything.  
  
Disclaimer: All I own is the song and Laicalasse. I made up the song for my band. The song is very depressing.   
If you want the whole thing, review and tell me. I also own Meldanar. This IS a romance but i have to lead up  
to it. They guy doesn't live in Rivendell. Hhmmmmmm i think you can guess who....... Anyhow, enjoy it. Relish the  
good luck of me posting it. be happy...................  
  
Chapter 5 (in which the Mary-Sue person who likes screaming is named)  
  
Laicalasse's ears were throbbing from all the screaming. Suddenly Meldanar sprinted in.  
"What happened? Who's she? Why is she here? What were you doing? Why is she dressed like that? Is she an   
elf? Where did she come from? Why did she scream? Why is she dressed funny? What is her name? What was   
she doing? Were you looking for the menu? What short hair she has!!!!!" Meldanar said all this in one breath. (which   
was rather hard because she was breathless.lol). The Mary-Sue spoke up,  
"Ahem. My name is Nicole. Where am I? Why am I here? Who are you? I'm from America."  
"What is America? Where is it?," asked Laicalasse.  
Meldanar said, "You're in Rivendell, which is in Middle-Earth. I do not know why you are here. We will ask Lord   
Elrond. I am Meldanar and that is Laicalasse."  
Nicole said, "But you're all a movie where I come from. Not you two, but Elrond."  
Laicalasse scolded, "That's 'Lord' Elrond to you. What's a 'movie'?"  
"Never mind that, she's 'got' to see Lord Elrond," Meldanar dragged her away. Laicalasse sighed and found the menu.   
She pulled out a pan and began making...............  
  
~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~  
Meldanar informed her that she was going to make waffles in the morning. Laicalasse was talking to another servant.   
She was telling her what she had to to the next day.  
"And I've gotta.............................. And in the morning, I'm gonna make waffles." (A/N if you've seen Shrek you should   
know what i'm talking about. No i don't own Shrek.)  
~~~~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Laicalasse began making waffles while softly singing a song she had written.............  
  
"Alas that my wishes stay forever ungranted,  
'Cus i'm just a hopeless romantic.  
  
My heart has cracked and cracked again,  
But this last time broke it in half.  
And now I'm gone, to the depths of my mind,  
And now you can't find me.  
Reach through the darkness,  
Bring me to the light  
  
Lost in depression,  
Confused and desperate,  
Alone and friendless.  
Dark clouds surround me,  
They stay at my bidding,  
Yet I do not bid them to stay.  
  
My wishes stay forever ungranted,  
'Cus I'm just a hopeless romantic-"  
  
She stopped suddenly. She looked around and found that she had an audience. She blushed and started stewing apples   
for breakfast. The people dispersed when they saw that she wasn't going to sing anymore.   
  
When she was done with breakfast, she set it on the table and ate her own breakfast. Her ears perked up as she heard   
shouting. Joyous shouting. She headed toward the noise.  
  
  
A/N: if you want the whole song, tell me in your review. Can you also give me an evaluation of it? please? and can you review please?   
flames will be used to make a bonfire so i can be nice and warm............................ REVIEW AND I WILL POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. Ack! She's A MarySue! Evilness!

A/N: hello peoples!!!! thanks to my very few reviewers...... okay. i feel a rant coming on...... DARNIT PEOPLES!!!!!!!!!! WHY AREN'T YOU REVIEWING!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS MY FIRST STORY!!!!!! I EVEN FIXED IT SO I COULD ACCEPT ANONYMOUS REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID PEOPLES!!!!!!!! I'M GOING CRAZY FROM STARVATION!!!!!!!! WHAT MUST I DO TO GET REVIEWS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?okay i'm done....... could you please review this 'cus it's my first story and you don't wanna hurt my   
feelings do you? Do you? Anyhow, enjoy.......................  
  
Chapter uuhhhh....... i forgot...........  
  
Laicalasse decided to eavesdrop on people at breakfast so that she could learn what was going on. As it turned out, she learned nothing at breakfast because only Elrond, Arwen, Meldanar and that Nicole person knew what was going on. She decided to ask Meldanar what was going on but before she could act, Elrond himself came up to her with a very stern frown fixed on his face. She knew that this meant trouble and she was right.  
  
"You will follow me. Come."  
  
"Yes Lord Elrond."  
  
"If I ever hear you speak to me in such a manner again, Laicalasse of Nowhere, I will personaly make sure that you wash floors for one hundred years. And there will be nothing else that you may do."  
  
*snotty upstarted elven priss* she thought. What she said was, "Yes Lord Elrond, Ruler of Rivendell, Father of Lady Arwen, Herald of Gil-Galad in the Last Alliance, Bearer of Vilya, Ring of the Air and Friend and Foster Father of Aragorn, Son of Arathorn, Heir of Isildur, Elfstone, Elessar, and All Around Good Guy."  
  
Elrond didn't know how to respond to this, so he didn't and kept walking down the hall with Laicalasse following at a respectful distance. He turned, glared at her, and resumed walking. She paused, scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion, and jogged a bit to catch up. They turned into a ornatley carved room. The walls were decorated with veins of ivy, circling each other, 'growing' up and around the many bookshelves and bursting into flower. The room was filled with the musty scent of books. Ah! books! Her absolute favorite thing to do was read a book and seeing so many books all in one place was like a dream come true. her face must have held a dreamy look because that Nicole person was waving her hand in front of her face and she was saying,  
  
"Hellooooooo!!!!!! Earth to La-ee-ss-A-LASS-EE."  
  
"The name is Lie-ee-s-a lass-A Meldelen," Laicalasse snapped (remember, she's half hobbit so she's not as composed and formal as other elves). "Or actually, that's my elven name. My hobbit name is Lily. Call me whatever you want."  
  
"Show some courtesy to our guest from the planet Earth. She is the answer to all of our problems here."  
  
"Yes Lord Elrond, Meldanar, Arwen and................."  
  
"Nicole. My name is Lady Nicole."  
  
"Lady Nicole. Simply SPLENDID to meet you," she said with clenched teeth. Nicole seemed not to notice the forced cheerfulness. "Alright. What was I summoned here for?"  
  
"You were summoned here to help fulfil an ancient prophecy. I will read the prophecy to you, for you are confused now." He began to read:  
  
"The time will come,  
When war is here,  
All Middle Earth,  
The Dark Lord, at will leer.  
  
From the Earth,  
A maid will come,  
Skilled with blade,  
And then some.  
  
Help she will seek,  
And help she will get,  
From kitchen maid,  
Unwilling and meek.  
  
Together they will save the world,  
And recognition get,  
A traitor in thier midst,  
A backstabbing muderous git,  
Will kill the one,  
From planet Earth." Elrond stopped reading. "There is more, but it has deteriorated and is unreadable."  
  
"I'm gonna die here!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm to young to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna go home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nicole was having a mental breakdown. Laicalasse saw Meldanar signaling for her to go. She went. Fast.  
  
*********Later, in the kithcen*********  
  
Laicalasse was baking bread for a feast that Elrond was having to welcome Nicole to Rivendell. She pulled out some cocoa beans and began to grind them into a fine powder. Just as she was finishing, Nicole wandered in. She was sniggering to herself,  
  
"I'll go with the Fellowship and then, I'll disrupt the canon and then, Sauron will win. *evil snigger* I will start by getting Frodo to do my will. Then, Legolas will fall for me. After that, I'll get Aragorn and Boromir. Pippin and Merry will be easy. Then, Sam will fall. NONE CAN RESIST THE POWER OF A MARY-SUE!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Evil laugh* Oh! hello La-ss-EE-lass-A um....... Meldelen?" Laicalasse just ignored her and went on cooking. She was also rather appalled at her dress. She had had a seemstress make it. It was more like a mini-skirt with a VERY short shirt. They were both rather lowcut. Slutty would describe them in one word. Laicalasse mixed the cocoa powder into some honey and flour. She put that in a bowl with a pinch of salt and some other ingredients and stirred. She poured it all into a cake platter and yanked open the oven. The cake went in and Laicalasse Meldelen stood up and said,  
  
"If you're not going to help, I suggest you leave before you burn your oh-so-silky hands. Or you might singe your lovely black-as-night hair. Your beautiful eyes-that-change-color-depending-on-what-mood-you're-in might get a spark in them. Your slutty velvet 'dress' might get something spilled on it. Your oh-so-perfect skin might get a blemish from the grease. All in all, we wouldn't want little miss perfect to become imperfect in the slightest way would we? Sorry there miss MARY-SUE!!!!! but I've seen way to many of you. The charm don't work. Sorry," she said scathingly. "So, what highly unpronouncable name are you going to come up with?"   
  
"Well, I was going to call myself Quenlhunenamyarielainameldranuna but I think that's a bit long. I'll call myself Lhunarielea."  
  
"Eep. Okay Lhunarielea. I'll be sure to remember your ridiculous name. Go tell Elrond, he'll love it."  
  
"I think I will. I'll also tell Elrond that you have voluntered to be my personal maid." Laicalasse muttered something that sounded lot like bitch. "Naughty.Naughty. Goodbye then LIE-EE-k-A la-ss-ee Meld-E-glen."   
  
End this chapter. reviews? reviews are good. I like reviews. please review? okay, vote!!!!!!!!! Frodo or Legolas. one vote per review. Who should Laicalasse fall in love with? remember, she's half hobbit so she's shorter then the average person from the race of Man. So, Frodo or Legolas? 'till next time............. 


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